Surrogacy Sisterhood Retreat in Tasmania: A Celebration of Altruism and Bonding
As I step out of the small arrivals hall at Hobart Airport, a vibrant sight captures my attention. Mollie D’Arcy, heavily pregnant, stands at the exit with a bright sign reading “Surrogates on Tour,” attached to a retractable light sabre toy. It’s mid-September 2024, and Mollie is the captain and organizer for this year’s Surrogacy Sisterhood Retreat—the first time this annual gathering of surrogates has ventured to Tasmania since its inception in 2018.
“I’m pretty happy to shout loud and proud that I’m a surrogate,” she declares, embodying the spirit of this roving weekend getaway dedicated to surrogates from all walks of life.
The Gathering of the Sisterhood
My connection with Mollie began weeks ago, as we coordinated logistics to provide access for a podcast series, Secrets We Keep, focused on the fertility industry. As we navigate through the bustling luggage collection area, approximately a dozen excited surrogates begin to arrive, after taking early flights from states like Queensland and Victoria. Two have journeyed all the way from Western Australia and New Zealand.
In moments, this carousel area transforms into a lively hub filled with women, ranging from their early 30s to late 40s. They come from diverse backgrounds—administrators, educators, public relations specialists, entrepreneurs, and lawyers—all united by a shared experience of carrying a baby for someone else.
The Concept of Sisterhood
For Sarah Jefford, a family creation lawyer, former surrogate, and egg donor, the term “sisterhood” encapsulates the essence of the retreat. Having witnessed the transformative power of surrogacy firsthand, she co-founded the Surrogacy Sisterhood Retreat inspired by a similar gathering for Canadian surrogates.
“Some of us are pregnant, some have just birthed, and some are yet to go through the process. We share everything—from the joyous journeys to the challenges,” she articulates, highlighting the inclusive atmosphere of this community.
In Australia, altruistic surrogacy is the only legally recognized option, a pathway laden with regulations. Jefford estimates around 130 to 150 altruistic surrogacy births occur yearly, with about 80% of these arrangements made among family or friends, and 20% among strangers—often facilitated through informal channels like dedicated Facebook groups.
The Journey to Surrogacy
As I join Mollie and the others to travel to the retreat location—a serene farm in Bothwell, an hour’s drive from Hobart—she shares her personal surrogacy journey. Working at an IVF clinic exposed her to the emotional intricacies of those seeking to become parents. Inspired, Mollie began to contemplate her potential role in helping others create families.
“I felt so deeply for these people who couldn’t have a baby. It felt like something I was capable of doing,” she reflects. At the time, she had not yet started her own family, but after having her first child, the idea took root. Eventually, she connected with a same-sex couple and began her journey as a surrogate.
Retreat Activities: Conversations and Connections
The weekend unfolds with various activities: communal meals, nature walks, yoga, and crafts—all optional and unstructured. While some women embark on snow excursions, others opt for a serene yoga class. Beyond activities, the real connection happens during meals and casual gatherings, where women share intimate stories about their experiences as surrogates, discussing both mundane parenting logistics and profound emotional journeys.
Pregnancy is undoubtedly a topic of overwhelming interest. Many surrogates convey a desire to help others achieve parenthood but also express a deep-seated feeling of “not being done.”
“I’ve heard that term before—‘baby lust’—after finally becoming a mother,” Jefford shares, validating the longing for the experiences of pregnancy and childbirth without the intention to raise another child.
The Cost of Altruism
While altruism fuels the desire to help others, the reality of surrogacy is not without complexity. Surrogates in Australia are prohibited from receiving payment, yet intended parents must cover all “reasonable expenses” associated with the pregnancy. The definition of “reasonable” can vary significantly, leading many surrogates to pay for additional costs out of pocket, thereby contributing a personal financial burden to their altruistic endeavor.
Despite these challenges, the sentiment of community prevails, with many surrogates expressing that the experience enriches their lives beyond measure.
Navigating Risks and Relationships
Before commencing a surrogacy arrangement, intended parents and surrogates in Australia undergo counseling sessions designed to address emotional preparedness, consent, and the potential for exploitation. These discussions lay crucial groundwork for mutual understanding, yet, as shared during the retreat, things can still go awry.
Utter heartbreak has punctuated some surrogate journeys, with stories of broken relationships leading to emotional turmoil for all parties involved. Despite the majority of arrangements being successful, there are also tragic cases that have required legal intervention, raising challenging questions about rights, ownership, and emotional well-being.
A Transformative Experience
For many women gathered here, the experience of surrogacy is not merely about childbirth; it’s a chance to expand familial bonds in unexpected ways. They honor the connections formed throughout their pregnancies and childbirths, celebrating the collaborative journey of family creation.
“My life has been enriched by the experience,” Mollie expresses, emphasizing the beauty of witness relationships blooming between surrogate and intended parents.
Surrogacy, while fraught with complexities, remains rooted in human connection, community, and the profound act of giving life to a dream of parenthood. Each retreat, each shared laugh and tear, solidifies the tapestry of the Surrogacy Sisterhood, reflecting a celebration of altruism, empowerment, and the love that transcends traditional family constructs.
